How can i control my temper

If you watched others in your family scream, hit each other, or throw things, you might think this is how anger is supposed to be expressed. Anger can be a symptom of another underlying health problem , such as depression especially in men , trauma, or chronic stress. You have a hard time compromising.

If you grew up in a family where anger was out of control, you may remember how the angry person got their way by being the loudest and most demanding.

Compromising might bring up scary feelings of failure and vulnerability. You view different opinions as a personal challenge. Do you believe that your way is always right and get angry when others disagree? If you have a strong need to be in control or a fragile ego, you may interpret other perspectives as a challenge to your authority, rather than simply a different way of looking at things.

You have trouble expressing emotions other than anger. Do you pride yourself on being tough and in control? Everyone has those emotions so you may be using anger as a cover for them. While you might feel that you just explode into anger without warning, there are in fact physical warning signs in your body. Becoming aware of your own personal signs that your temper is starting to boil allows you to take steps to manage your anger before it gets out of control.

Look at your regular routine and try to identify activities, times of day, people, places, or situations that trigger irritable or angry feelings.

Maybe you get into a fight every time you go out for drinks with a certain group of friends. Or maybe the traffic on your daily commute drives you crazy. You may think that external factors—the insensitive actions of other people, for example, or frustrating situations—are causing your anger. But anger problems have less to do with what happens to you than how you interpret and think about what happened. When you identify the thought patterns that fuel your anger, you can learn to reframe how you think about things.

Is there a more positive, realistic way of looking at a situation? What would I say to a friend who was thinking these things? Once you know how to recognize the warning signs that your temper is rising and anticipate your triggers, you can act quickly to deal with your anger before it spins out of control. There are many techniques that can help you cool down and keep your anger in check.

Focus on the physical sensations of anger. Take some deep breaths. Deep, slow breathing helps counteract rising tension. The key is to breathe deeply from the abdomen, getting as much fresh air as possible into your lungs.

Get moving. A brisk walk around the block is a great idea. Physical activity releases pent-up energy so you can approach the situation with a cooler head. Use your senses. You can use sight, smell, hearing, touch, and taste to quickly relieve stress and cool down. You might try listening to a favorite piece of music, looking at a treasured photo, savoring a cup of tea, or stroking a pet. Stretch or massage areas of tension.

Roll your shoulders if you are tensing them, for example, or gently massage your neck and scalp. Slowly count to ten. Focus on the counting to let your rational mind catch up with your feelings. If you still feel out of control by the time you reach ten, start counting again. When you start getting upset about something, take a moment to think about the situation. Ask yourself:.

Learning how to resolve conflict in a positive way will help you strengthen your relationships rather than damaging them. Always fight fair. Fighting fair allows you to express your own needs while still respecting others. Make the relationship your priority. Respect the other person and their viewpoint. Focus on the present. Rather than looking to the past and assigning blame, focus on what you can do in the present to solve the problem.

What are emotional needs, exactly? We break it down and give you 10 basic ones to consider. Fear of commitment can pose a big challenge in long-term relationships. Here's a guide to identifying potential commitment issues and overcoming them. Alexithymia is a difficulty recognizing emotions, and is sometimes seen along with depression, autism, or brain injury, among other conditions. Health Conditions Discover Plan Connect.

Rheumatoid Arthritis. Medically reviewed by Timothy J. Legg, Ph. What a short temper looks like. How it affects you. How to stay in control. When to get help. The bottom line. Read this next. Do I Have Anger Issues? How to Identify and Treat an Angry Outlook. Intermittent Explosive Disorder. What Are Rope Worms? For example: "I'm really angry at Mom because she won't let me go to the party until I clean my room. It's not fair! Notice that this is not the same as saying, "Mom's so unfair to me.

This is where you stop for a minute to give yourself time to manage your anger. It's also where you start thinking of how you might react — but without reacting yet.

Ask yourself: What can I do? Think of at least three things. For example, in this situation you might think:. This is where you think about what is likely to result from each of the different reactions you came up with. Ask yourself: What will happen for each one of these options? For example:.

With this option, you get to go to the party and your room's clean so you don't have to worry about it for a while. But when you really think it through, it's pretty unlikely you'd get away with being gone for hours with no one noticing. And when you do get caught — look out! This is where you take action by choosing one of the three things you could do. Look at the list and pick the one that is likely to be most effective. Ask yourself: What's my best choice? By the time you've thought it through, you're probably past yelling at your mom, which is a knee-jerk response.

You may have also decided that sneaking out is too risky. Neither of these options is likely to get you to the party. So option b probably seems like the best choice. After you've acted and the situation is over, spend some time thinking about how it went. Ask yourself: How did I do? Did things work out as I expected? If not, why not? Am I satisfied with the choice I made?

Taking some time to reflect on how things worked out after it's all over is a very important step. It helps you learn about yourself and it allows you to test which problem-solving approaches work best in different situations. Give yourself a pat on the back if the solution you chose worked out well. If it didn't, go back through the five steps and see if you can figure out why. These five steps are pretty simple when you're calm, but are much tougher to work through when you're angry or sad kind of like in basketball practice when making baskets is much easier than in a real game when the pressure is on!

So it helps to practice over and over again. The five-step approach is good when you're in a particular situation that's got you mad and you need to decide what action to take.

But other things can help you manage anger too. Try these things even if you're not mad right now to help prevent angry feelings from building up inside.

Sometimes anger is a sign that more is going on. People who have frequent trouble with anger, who get in fights or arguments, who get punished, who have life situations that give them reason to often be angry may need special help to get a problem with anger under control.

Tell your parents, a teacher, a counselor, or another adult you trust if any of these things have been happening:. These could be signs of depression or something else — and you shouldn't have to handle that alone.

Anger is a strong emotion. It can feel overwhelming at times. Learning how to deal with strong emotions — without losing control — is part of becoming more mature. It takes a little effort, a little practice, and a little patience, but you can get there if you want to.